So what's the deal with the letter "W"?
I can't be the first person to notice that it is clearly just two Vs standing beside each other.
It bothers me that when roll call was going on for the original alphabet, two understudy Vs grouped together and have been called a letter ever since.
It's time those 'Vs' fess up and reveal what they are, just a couple common Vs standing too close together!
It would make more sense for two 'U's to pull this shenanigan, since it's called a "double U", not a "double V."
The letter W is a liar and I hate it.
Ws aren’t even an original design, they are just upside down Ms that aren’t as structurally sound.
I hate W’s so much that I won’t even eat M&Ms if they appear upside down in my hand — I just throw them in the trash.
I really don't need to tell you why Ms are incredibly useful. Without them, Hanson would not be the timeless band it has become, because just “Bop” doesn’t make for a catchy song title.
Two Vs do not need to jam themselves so close together to form a W, as they can get the job done as independent Vs beside each at the normal distance.
Just look at the word "savvy."
Now, that's five letters we can all get behind. It is 40 percent Vs and zero percent funny business.
The one time W could have stepped up to the plate was to help everyone differentiate between George Bushes, but that responsibility got shoved onto the letter H, which did a magnificent job, I must say.
I do, however, appreciate the way three Ws band together before a
website. WWW certainly has a strong use, but, honestly, it just does not have the same aesthetic appeal and showmanship as XXX.
Both come in handy when dealing with websites, but we won't discuss that any further here.
Also, you would certainly never see WWW on any whiskey jug I would ever be caught drinking. The W has also done a miraculous job with the WWE and was more than classy in the lawsuit between the former World Wrestling Federation and the World Wildlife Fund, but that doesn't make up for centuries of deception.
However, as much as I love wrestling, it could still lead a very productive life without W (restling).
I know that a great deal of words use the letter W, including several in this article, but that does not make it right. We need to find a more original substitute for W because e can’t rite ithout it.
I also understand the problem with getting rid of Ws when dealing with people's names and the issues that would arise as a result of its absence.
But, to be fair, I think it’s time Williams make the healthy transition to Bills anyway.
And W, whenever you decide to retire, please take the letter O with you.
I understand that the letter O is very important to the alphabet and a healthy bowl of Cheerios, but it looks too much like a zero, 0. O 0 O000 O.
See, that sentence was terrible, which is which?
I must state this: If the letter W is two Vs that were born as conjoined
letters, then please disregard this column, and I sincerely apologize.
But you should realize that you can get help; I know a guy who has a very affordable and painless space bar surgery.
If you don't get help, you will never get the chance to be savvy.
Common Vs, happiness can be a spacebar away.
Dan Long is a sports reporter for The Punxsutawney Spirit and Jefferson County Neighbors. You can guess which letters he picks out of his alphabet soup.